we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Actions speak louder than pants.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
