Four minutes until I can fart!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
