i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
