my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
