I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you remember whose house we're in?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
