new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
