sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
