But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
