He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
