There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
