i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
