Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
