Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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