I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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