Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
