I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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