I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
