our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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