You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
