sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
