he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
