I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
