I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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