I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
