Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
