Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
