Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
