I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Drunk is not a location!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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