he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
