Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
