I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up under a house in Key West
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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