Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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