I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
