Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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