Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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