Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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