Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently you make a good broom.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
