All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
