so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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