that's an acceptable place to lick
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
