How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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