im drinking this country out of the recession.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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