so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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