Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
