Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
