I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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