You really coming over, don't trick.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
