dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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