OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
