woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
