We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
