I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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